This Is Where You Stop Pretending
Unfiltered Clarity is a space for gay men where we get real about the stuff others won't touch.: why your nervous system still screams in safe spaces, why code-switching is automatic, why coming out didn't solve everything.
Who this is for:
You still rehearse conversations before coming out to new people
Success feels borrowed, like you're fooling everyone around you
Compliments trigger suspicion instead of gratitude
Family dinners still feel like performance art
You're exhausted after being around straight people but can't explain why
Who am I?
I grew up checking all the right boxes. Good grades. Easy smiles. No visible discomfort. It worked. Until it didn't.
Alcohol became my volume control. Depression became my normal. Burnout became my badge. I thought the problem was me being broken. Turns out, the problem was no one had given me language for what I was carrying.
The shift happened when I stopped trying to fix myself and started understanding the patterns.
I learned these patterns first through living them, then through years training and working as a therapist. Today, my focus is on mentoring gay men through what both experiences taught me.
Why I do this
Most gay men spend years thinking their struggle is personal failure. It's usually a shared pattern with a predictable cost. I write to give language to experiences we were never taught to see.
This isn't therapy. It's recognition. I don't fix people because people aren't broken. I name what's happening so you can see it clearly.
What makes this different
No quick fixes. No rainbow-washed positivity. No transformation promises. Just weekly letters that call out the psychological realities mainstream advice ignores.
I write for gay men who feel things deeply and want to understand why they keep getting stuck. If you've ever felt like traditional self-help doesn't speak your language, this is where we discuss that.
Personal stuff
I'm married to my best friend. I write until the words land clean and true. I believe understanding is a spiral, not a straight line.
If you're here, you probably suspect the problem isn't you. It's that no one has put words to what you've always felt.
