Welcome!
We are constantly told how to be better, hotter, happier, and more well-adjusted. This Substack isn’t that. There are no five-step plans here. No hacks to fix your attachment style or optimize your Grindr profile.
Instead, this is a space for the raw, unpolished reality of the gay male experience. It’s about the silence after the party, the exhaustion of constant performance, and the ache that sits beneath the “pride.”
We aren’t here to solve the human condition; we are here to name it. Because sometimes, simply having language for what you’re going through is the only relief you actually need.
Every new subscriber (free or paid) means the world to me. Your support makes all the difference.
What do I write about?
Why do so many men feel more isolated after coming out than they did before?
It’s not just “internalized homophobia.” It’s that the standard script for gay life asks you to be loud to belong, and then abandons you for being quiet.
This leaves a massive group of us stranded in the gap: men who are done with performance and starving for real connection. That is who this is for.
What to expect weekly:
The “Quiet Middle”: Articulating the space where you don’t fit the standard gay narrative.
The Cost of the Mask: Naming the exhaustion of code-switching and performative joy.
The Unspoken: Shining a light on the patterns we’ve been trained to hide, even from ourselves.
No tips. No 5-step plans. Just depth, recognition, and the relief of being seen.
Start with these 7 (reader favorites)
The Gay Voice Dilemma: Code-Switching Between Safety & Self
When your natural voice becomes a calculated riskWhen “Gay Enough” Isn’t the Question: Living in the Quiet Middle
A personal reflection on queer imposter syndrome, identity friction, and the quiet middle where many LGBTQ+ people live.The Lies About Gay Men That Refuse to Die: Naming the myths that keep you policing yourself even in queer spaces.
The Gay Loneliness No One Wants to Talk About: Why “surrounded yet starving” is a system, not a personal failure.
Hypervigilant Hearts: The Invisible Tax on Queer Existence: What chronic scanning costs your nervous system and identity.
When “Gay Enough” Isn’t the Question: Moving attention from performance to dignity where it belongs
After The Closet: Grieving the Family You Thought You Had: The mourning no one warns you about after liberation
Why I write this
I’m Gino. I am a writer, a coach, and a licensed psychotherapist. For over 15 years, I have been mapping the patterns that gay men live by.
I don’t write for the “scene.” I write for the men who feel like outsiders to it; not fully at home in straight spaces, and often even lonelier in queer ones. These are the men who have mastered the art of showing up for everyone except themselves.
My work is not about diagnosis. It is about clarity. I am here to articulate the quiet, unspoken truths of our mental health that usually go unnamed.
Support this work
If this writing speaks to the part of you that usually stays quiet, consider becoming a paid supporter.
In an internet reward system built for noise and outrage, your subscription proves that depth has an audience. It helps this work reach the other men who are currently feeling stranded.
As a supporter, you step closer to the work:
Direct Access: A private inbox where I respond to your thoughts and questions personally (within 24 hours).
Influence: Help shape future writing topics and frameworks.
Community: First invites to the spaces we build for like-minded men.
Mostly, you are enabling a gay writer to put words to the things we were told to bury.
What readers say
Share UC with a friend
If anything on this page made you think, “fuck, finally,” share this Substack with a friend.
This is writing for understanding and recognition. It’s not therapy or medical advice.
