Why Some Gay Men Feel Lonely Even With Full Lives

Why some gay men build successful lives yet still feel emotionally distant, unseen, and strangely alone behind the performance.

He had a pretty good week.

Birthday dinner Thursday, gallery thing Friday, a housewarming on Saturday that he arrived at on time, which apparently required some effort. He said the right things at each of them. Made people laugh when the table needed loosening.

At the housewarming he found himself spending twenty minutes explaining to someone why their new neighborhood was up-and-coming. He’d done the research.

That was the kind of guy he was.

Sunday morning he was standing in his kitchen and the room felt off. Sort of used up. The wallpaper looked different than it had on Thursday. The kettle sat cold. He didn’t have anywhere to be.

“I know I’m lucky,” he said later. “I genuinely don’t take it for granted.” Then a pause that was longer than it needed to be. “I just don’t know who I’m doing all of it for.”

I’ve heard that sentence, or something near it, more times than I can tell you.