There has been some progress towards breaking through the stereotypes, but I’m always brought up short when I encounter them still.
A teenaged young man that I was in a theater production with remarked at the cast party that I didn’t act gay. You’re not very flamboyant. I looked him in the eye and said, “You’ve never seen my off-stage act.
Homosexuality has faced opposition throughout history, first from institutions like the Church and State, and now from powerful social platforms. Online content, like the Becket Cook Show on YouTube, uses religious narratives to frame being gay as a path to be overcome, attracting a large number of views. These platforms also amplify hateful comments against gay people in a way that doesn't happen with other groups.
I had an epiphany not too long ago. I realized that no matter how much good I do, I will always be seen as "the other." This feeling of being different is constantly reinforced by straight people in subtle ways. With this epiphany came a simple solution; I decided to focus on what I can control, I have found strength in the gay community by starting a gay men’s book club. Through this community, I have embraced my identity, recognizing that being different isn't a negative thing. Also, this new personal perspective has led to significant personal and spiritual growth.
Turning that painful epiphany into community and growth is exactly the kind of resistance these narratives can’t touch. A gay men’s book club sounds like a place where difference becomes connection, not isolation 🌱📚
Excellent Piece Gino! I lived most of my life closeted as a corporate executive. I know that feeling well, the tightness in my jaw, reading the room for any sign of disapproval. It takes a physical and mental toll. After I came out, I found it difficult to continue working with the same group of people.
That resonates so strongly, Caleb. The body registers the impact long before the mind makes sense of it. Coming out changes everything, but it doesn’t erase the years of bracing ourselves in those rooms 💔
Performing respectability… It always makes me think of that aphorism, “You can’t make someone love you… by giving them more of what they already don’t appreciate.”
I live in a pretty safe bubble in Los Angeles. But i’m still on guard.
I’ve always been aware that homophobia is misogyny in disguise.
Just like…men aren’t supposed to love cats is misogyny in disguise.
It’s pervasive.
I’m an excellent diplomat, which is respectability politics. But it also goes along ways toward people understanding that we are like them. So I don’t think I’ll be giving that up. It’s a teaching moment. For them. And I can never know in any situation how receptive people are to that, so I have to assume that it’s worth trying . To me, the diplomacy is making the person feel appreciated and heard and valued while being an example of balance. They leave the encounter having engaged with someone comfortable. And maybe the next time they meet a gay person, remember that. Obviously, I’m not talking about the people who have already made up their minds.
I’m a tenor, I still modulate my voice on the phone, around people I don’t know.
Being high on the sensory processing sensitivity scale, I’m always scanning and deep processing the situation for safety wherever I go. It doesn’t matter that I live in Los Angeles. I don’t think I ever thought about what it would feel like to not have to do that. It’s just part of what we carry.
I feel the weight of what you shared, Leo. That balance you describe is deeply familiar. It’s a skill we’ve had to cultivate, but it’s also a kind of brilliance that often goes unseen. I get what you mean about never really imagining what it would feel like to not have to do that… it becomes part of our wiring. Thank you for putting it into words so clearly 🌸
There has been some progress towards breaking through the stereotypes, but I’m always brought up short when I encounter them still.
A teenaged young man that I was in a theater production with remarked at the cast party that I didn’t act gay. You’re not very flamboyant. I looked him in the eye and said, “You’ve never seen my off-stage act.
That comeback is brilliant 😂 sometimes humor cuts through the ignorance faster than any lecture could. Those small moments of pushback plant seeds.
Homosexuality has faced opposition throughout history, first from institutions like the Church and State, and now from powerful social platforms. Online content, like the Becket Cook Show on YouTube, uses religious narratives to frame being gay as a path to be overcome, attracting a large number of views. These platforms also amplify hateful comments against gay people in a way that doesn't happen with other groups.
I had an epiphany not too long ago. I realized that no matter how much good I do, I will always be seen as "the other." This feeling of being different is constantly reinforced by straight people in subtle ways. With this epiphany came a simple solution; I decided to focus on what I can control, I have found strength in the gay community by starting a gay men’s book club. Through this community, I have embraced my identity, recognizing that being different isn't a negative thing. Also, this new personal perspective has led to significant personal and spiritual growth.
Turning that painful epiphany into community and growth is exactly the kind of resistance these narratives can’t touch. A gay men’s book club sounds like a place where difference becomes connection, not isolation 🌱📚
Thank you!
You’re welcome. I hope this spoke to you in some meaningful way.
Excellent Piece Gino! I lived most of my life closeted as a corporate executive. I know that feeling well, the tightness in my jaw, reading the room for any sign of disapproval. It takes a physical and mental toll. After I came out, I found it difficult to continue working with the same group of people.
That resonates so strongly, Caleb. The body registers the impact long before the mind makes sense of it. Coming out changes everything, but it doesn’t erase the years of bracing ourselves in those rooms 💔
Thank you for writing this! 💕
Performing respectability… It always makes me think of that aphorism, “You can’t make someone love you… by giving them more of what they already don’t appreciate.”
I live in a pretty safe bubble in Los Angeles. But i’m still on guard.
I’ve always been aware that homophobia is misogyny in disguise.
Just like…men aren’t supposed to love cats is misogyny in disguise.
It’s pervasive.
I’m an excellent diplomat, which is respectability politics. But it also goes along ways toward people understanding that we are like them. So I don’t think I’ll be giving that up. It’s a teaching moment. For them. And I can never know in any situation how receptive people are to that, so I have to assume that it’s worth trying . To me, the diplomacy is making the person feel appreciated and heard and valued while being an example of balance. They leave the encounter having engaged with someone comfortable. And maybe the next time they meet a gay person, remember that. Obviously, I’m not talking about the people who have already made up their minds.
I’m a tenor, I still modulate my voice on the phone, around people I don’t know.
Being high on the sensory processing sensitivity scale, I’m always scanning and deep processing the situation for safety wherever I go. It doesn’t matter that I live in Los Angeles. I don’t think I ever thought about what it would feel like to not have to do that. It’s just part of what we carry.
Really appreciate these articles. ☺️💕
I feel the weight of what you shared, Leo. That balance you describe is deeply familiar. It’s a skill we’ve had to cultivate, but it’s also a kind of brilliance that often goes unseen. I get what you mean about never really imagining what it would feel like to not have to do that… it becomes part of our wiring. Thank you for putting it into words so clearly 🌸
It’s a balance, isn’t it. Our coping mechanisms and survival skills can evolve from defense to offense.
Survival reshaped into strength 💪
Very well said, countering untruths with the truths.
Thanks, Tom. Truth has a way of cutting through the noise, even if slowly. Naming the lies out loud takes their power down a notch every time ✨