I’ve learned in therapy that the coping mechanisms and skill sets I developed for survival , the code switching and adaptability etc, are tools that I don’t need all the time. Reflexively as you stated.
I don’t need to walk into the room with all my tools at the ready. I’ll just individually access the tools if I need them. The mastery of the tools is there so I don’t have to anticipate … because I know I’m very practiced.
That’s a wonderful feeling.
When you add in the scientific research on sensory processing sensitivity, everything you mentioned in this piece is *heightened* further for the individual: over delivering , micro-processing, and depth of processing, being overwhelmed by stimuli, etc.
And you’re so right about the enormous amount of energy this adaptability i
takes. My immune system crashed. That’s what got me into therapy and the ability to recalibrate everything you’re talking about. Blessing in disguise. But wouldn’t it be nice if our immune systems didn’t have to crash in order to get us there. ☺️
Yes, the body often becomes the messenger when the mind won’t stop adapting. I love how you framed mastery as choosing when to use the tools rather than living inside them all the time. That recalibration is the real liberation 🌱
"When you try to express a genuine preference or hold a boundary, your nervous system interprets this as danger." This. This is what hits. I appreciate how you go on to describe the process as adaptation by choice. If we pause just a second longer than our automatic response wants us to, it's creating muscle memory and assuring us time after time - we aren't in danger. Thank you for this.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts William. That pause is the rewiring in real time. Each moment we let the truth land before the adaptation, we’re teaching our bodies a new story of safety.
You hit the nail on the head, as always. But those of us who started hiding our real selves at a very early age may find that nothing substantial or authentic has been added to our sense of identity since early adolescence. Strip away all the make-believe and coping mechanisms and you slip through your own fingers, a lonely little figure that the world has left behind
That image of slipping through your own fingers is true for so many of us. The work then becomes re-parenting that lonely figure, offering them the belonging and voice they never had. Slowly stitching a self that feels lived-in instead of borrowed.
Thanks for saying out loud what I've been thinking.
I’m glad it resonated with you. Naming it out loud can be the first step toward loosening its grip 🌱
I’ve learned in therapy that the coping mechanisms and skill sets I developed for survival , the code switching and adaptability etc, are tools that I don’t need all the time. Reflexively as you stated.
I don’t need to walk into the room with all my tools at the ready. I’ll just individually access the tools if I need them. The mastery of the tools is there so I don’t have to anticipate … because I know I’m very practiced.
That’s a wonderful feeling.
When you add in the scientific research on sensory processing sensitivity, everything you mentioned in this piece is *heightened* further for the individual: over delivering , micro-processing, and depth of processing, being overwhelmed by stimuli, etc.
And you’re so right about the enormous amount of energy this adaptability i
takes. My immune system crashed. That’s what got me into therapy and the ability to recalibrate everything you’re talking about. Blessing in disguise. But wouldn’t it be nice if our immune systems didn’t have to crash in order to get us there. ☺️
Yes, the body often becomes the messenger when the mind won’t stop adapting. I love how you framed mastery as choosing when to use the tools rather than living inside them all the time. That recalibration is the real liberation 🌱
"When you try to express a genuine preference or hold a boundary, your nervous system interprets this as danger." This. This is what hits. I appreciate how you go on to describe the process as adaptation by choice. If we pause just a second longer than our automatic response wants us to, it's creating muscle memory and assuring us time after time - we aren't in danger. Thank you for this.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts William. That pause is the rewiring in real time. Each moment we let the truth land before the adaptation, we’re teaching our bodies a new story of safety.
You hit the nail on the head, as always. But those of us who started hiding our real selves at a very early age may find that nothing substantial or authentic has been added to our sense of identity since early adolescence. Strip away all the make-believe and coping mechanisms and you slip through your own fingers, a lonely little figure that the world has left behind
That image of slipping through your own fingers is true for so many of us. The work then becomes re-parenting that lonely figure, offering them the belonging and voice they never had. Slowly stitching a self that feels lived-in instead of borrowed.