Over-Adaptation: The Gay Superpower That's Eating You Alive
How the skills that helped you stay safe during childhood can lead to cycles of disconnection and hidden mental health issues.
The conference room went silent when Marcus* asked a question. Not the comfortable pause of thoughtful consideration. Instead, the sharp intake of breath signaling someone had crossed an invisible line. His colleagues' faces shifted. The tightening around the eyes. The barely noticeable way he leaned away from the table.
Marcus catalogued every micro-expression. He calculated the social temperature. He smoothly pivoted his suggestion into something more palatable. The room relaxed and the meeting continued. His original idea died quietly in the space between his throat and his voice.
His colleagues praised his "emotional intelligence" later over drinks. They praised his "collaborative spirit." They had no idea they'd witnessed a master class in something far more complex. The lightning-fast social calculus that many gay men perform dozens of times daily. So practiced it feels like breathing.
This is over-adaptation in real time. The gay superpower that wins y…