Thank you Gino. The invisibility and the constant reading of the room is exhausting. At home, it was always "don't show your feeling," "I'll give you something to cry about," "be seen but not heard." At church (which was forced upon me from a very early age), it was that being gay is wrong and you'll go to hell for it. (Luckily for me, I am meow an atheist. Religion is fine for some, but the scars it left on me are deep and still painful). Even meow, I will often look back at conversations and say to myself "I hope I didn't sound too gay. I wonder if they would be offended by my mannerisms." Or going into a situation, I have to remind myself to "act straight," whatever the hell that means. I don't currently have a therapist. I have tried many straight ones, and while most were fine, I just don't think they understood what it was like. My last therapist was gay, but he often seemed just in it for the co-pay. He certainly didn't relate the suicidal ideations I have. There probably is no solution. I haven't found one yet. But I do enjoy reading your posts. You bring me comfort when I often think there is none to be had. Thank you Gino.
You’ve carried far more than anyone should have had to, and the awful part is how automatic it becomes. That constant rechecking of your voice, your softness, your safety is the kind of exhaustion you only notice once you slow down. There is a way forward, but it’s slower and quieter than people sell online. It starts with exactly what you’re doing here, telling the truth without shrinking yourself. I’m glad the posts give you even a little relief. You deserve that softness.
As a Gen X, I will add this as affirmation of what you’re saying.
My husband and I never hold hands in public. And my straight friends always ask me why. Even some of my gay friends.
If my husband and I are in a crowd of 1000 people, and we hold hands, everyone knows we are gay. But we don’t know if there’s anyone in that crowd of 1000 who would intend us harm. We can’t identify them. But we have made ourselves a target by allowing them to identify us.
And I’ve heard it all before : bravery, take up space, be seen, representation.
I hear you, my friend. That instinct is the muscle memory of surviving a world that didn’t care whether you were brave or visible. Safety first is a sane choice, and it’s one a lot of us still make even when people around us don’t understand.
Thank you Gino. The invisibility and the constant reading of the room is exhausting. At home, it was always "don't show your feeling," "I'll give you something to cry about," "be seen but not heard." At church (which was forced upon me from a very early age), it was that being gay is wrong and you'll go to hell for it. (Luckily for me, I am meow an atheist. Religion is fine for some, but the scars it left on me are deep and still painful). Even meow, I will often look back at conversations and say to myself "I hope I didn't sound too gay. I wonder if they would be offended by my mannerisms." Or going into a situation, I have to remind myself to "act straight," whatever the hell that means. I don't currently have a therapist. I have tried many straight ones, and while most were fine, I just don't think they understood what it was like. My last therapist was gay, but he often seemed just in it for the co-pay. He certainly didn't relate the suicidal ideations I have. There probably is no solution. I haven't found one yet. But I do enjoy reading your posts. You bring me comfort when I often think there is none to be had. Thank you Gino.
You’ve carried far more than anyone should have had to, and the awful part is how automatic it becomes. That constant rechecking of your voice, your softness, your safety is the kind of exhaustion you only notice once you slow down. There is a way forward, but it’s slower and quieter than people sell online. It starts with exactly what you’re doing here, telling the truth without shrinking yourself. I’m glad the posts give you even a little relief. You deserve that softness.
Thank you Gino. You've helped me so much already with. I sincerely appreciate you.
As a Gen X, I will add this as affirmation of what you’re saying.
My husband and I never hold hands in public. And my straight friends always ask me why. Even some of my gay friends.
If my husband and I are in a crowd of 1000 people, and we hold hands, everyone knows we are gay. But we don’t know if there’s anyone in that crowd of 1000 who would intend us harm. We can’t identify them. But we have made ourselves a target by allowing them to identify us.
And I’ve heard it all before : bravery, take up space, be seen, representation.
Sorry, safety first. 💕
I hear you, my friend. That instinct is the muscle memory of surviving a world that didn’t care whether you were brave or visible. Safety first is a sane choice, and it’s one a lot of us still make even when people around us don’t understand.
You always say the best things, Gino. 💕
Don’t make me blush, Leo :)
A reflex their nervous system develops…” As I read this I felt the coil within loosen.
That instinct is ingrained in many of us, and most people never articulate it. I’m glad that the piece resonated with you.