And your content is always so meaningful. Ellen Degeneres once said, "Why do we call it "Gay Marriage? We don't call it Straight Marriage. Oh for the day when Marriage is Marriage." Fondly, Michael
Thank you, Michael. That line still resonates because the extra label has always done more than describe, it creates distance. I’m ready for the day ordinary things stop needing a queer footnote.
I read your column with interest because it showed up in my email, and frankly, when you identified as a therapist, I was intrigued. Gay, straight, whatever color, it wouldn't matter because I am always intrigued by the human mind (other animals' minds too!).
The idea that you have to wear a mask in public is a familiar one. The idea that it's unique to gay men, or queer people, is something I've never heard. I'm a 65-yo white woman, an extreme introvert, and I've literally never been anywhere that I didn't have to wear a mask. In these years of living and talking with people (I don't really do small talk), I'm coming to the conclusion that very few people ever fail to put a mask on, different ones for different environments.
I suspect we learn them early, which behaviors are acceptable in which places, rooms, and which ones will get us punished.
It's possible that those mythical, yeti-like "well-adjusted" humans may not, but you couldn't prove it by me.
I'm certainly not trying to negate or diminish your struggle. I've had many dear friends with many kinds of struggles, and stood with them throughout. I've had my own, far more than "old white woman" could possibly convey. I guess I'm trying to say the people frequently have much more internal pain, much harder lives, than we can see from the outside.
Please don't discount your allies before you've allowed them to make themselves known to you. There are a lot of us, and we're not perfect, but we're here on the same side anyway, fighting for rights for all of us.
Thank you so much for your article. You are thoughtful, intelligent and I think the gay community is lucky to have you as a therapist.
Thank you for this, Carlyle. I agree that most people learn masks early, and I tried to make piece about what it does to you when that translation gets tied to identity so consistently that it starts to feel like personality. I also agree that this is certainly not unique to the queer community. I appreciate the care in your reading, and I’m glad you’re here. xx
Another great piece Gino, thank you. And you are right, being out and proud is the visibility someone else may need, even if they are not ready to be out themselves. I know I could have used that representation back in the day when I was a lone queer boy in the countryside of Bavaria.
Thanks, Matthias. Sometimes, being visible may seem minor from an outside perspective, but for the person seeking proof, it can alter their sense of what’s achievable.
I love this so much. And you may write gay content, but what you write is also broadly human, and broadly applicable. I think it's because you write from the inside, and you do with thoughtfulness and vulnerability.
Thank you, that’s very kind. I really believe that the more honestly someone writes from a real life, the less niche it becomes and the more people find themselves in it. x
And your content is always so meaningful. Ellen Degeneres once said, "Why do we call it "Gay Marriage? We don't call it Straight Marriage. Oh for the day when Marriage is Marriage." Fondly, Michael
Couldn’t agree more
Thank you, Peter. In appreciate the support.
Thank you, Michael. That line still resonates because the extra label has always done more than describe, it creates distance. I’m ready for the day ordinary things stop needing a queer footnote.
I read your column with interest because it showed up in my email, and frankly, when you identified as a therapist, I was intrigued. Gay, straight, whatever color, it wouldn't matter because I am always intrigued by the human mind (other animals' minds too!).
The idea that you have to wear a mask in public is a familiar one. The idea that it's unique to gay men, or queer people, is something I've never heard. I'm a 65-yo white woman, an extreme introvert, and I've literally never been anywhere that I didn't have to wear a mask. In these years of living and talking with people (I don't really do small talk), I'm coming to the conclusion that very few people ever fail to put a mask on, different ones for different environments.
I suspect we learn them early, which behaviors are acceptable in which places, rooms, and which ones will get us punished.
It's possible that those mythical, yeti-like "well-adjusted" humans may not, but you couldn't prove it by me.
I'm certainly not trying to negate or diminish your struggle. I've had many dear friends with many kinds of struggles, and stood with them throughout. I've had my own, far more than "old white woman" could possibly convey. I guess I'm trying to say the people frequently have much more internal pain, much harder lives, than we can see from the outside.
Please don't discount your allies before you've allowed them to make themselves known to you. There are a lot of us, and we're not perfect, but we're here on the same side anyway, fighting for rights for all of us.
Thank you so much for your article. You are thoughtful, intelligent and I think the gay community is lucky to have you as a therapist.
Thank you for this, Carlyle. I agree that most people learn masks early, and I tried to make piece about what it does to you when that translation gets tied to identity so consistently that it starts to feel like personality. I also agree that this is certainly not unique to the queer community. I appreciate the care in your reading, and I’m glad you’re here. xx
Keep doing what you're doing Gino! Love your content!
Thank you, Dan. I’m more interested in naming what’s real than making it neat, so I’m glad it’s landing where it needs to.
Another great piece Gino, thank you. And you are right, being out and proud is the visibility someone else may need, even if they are not ready to be out themselves. I know I could have used that representation back in the day when I was a lone queer boy in the countryside of Bavaria.
Thanks, Matthias. Sometimes, being visible may seem minor from an outside perspective, but for the person seeking proof, it can alter their sense of what’s achievable.
I love this so much. And you may write gay content, but what you write is also broadly human, and broadly applicable. I think it's because you write from the inside, and you do with thoughtfulness and vulnerability.
Thank you, that’s very kind. I really believe that the more honestly someone writes from a real life, the less niche it becomes and the more people find themselves in it. x
Well duh. Of course and if folk aren’t interested, they should go away quietly. The end.
🙌