Friends…. Straight friends have kids and they disappear from gay friends’ lives. Even gay men who have kids tend to disappear from their single friends’ lives.
And for those of us who are coupled…. Do we kiss at midnight? We gauge the event, the room, the vibe.
You're right, Leo. Parenting can turn people into "logistics managers," and unprotected friendships get "rescheduled" into oblivion. I hear this quite often.
And the midnight kiss thing is real: straight couples do it on autopilot, while many of us do a quick risk assessment, then decide whether the moment is worth the social tax. I noticed this last year here in Paris.
While I am not gay or male, I will be spending this 'New Year's Eve' alone again for many reasons some by choice and others not so much. I decided many years (decades) ago, that it is just plain easier to spend New Year's Eve alone rather than face the judgement of family and 'friends'. For me, I look at most holidays as just another day, sometimes with bonus pay and some no income at all. Do I regret pulling back from family? No, for me, it was to maintain my sanity, mental, and physical health. I have always been an outsider with my family and now only have limited contact with 3 people. I hope and pray that all people who, either because of lifestyle, personal preference, or for no reason at all, decide to just be their self and enjoy the day/night in a way that helps you and eases your burdens and makes life more 'your style' and not 'everyone else's style'.
You sound like someone who chose peace over proximity, and that choice deserves respect. ☺️ Protecting your health is discernment learned the hard way. I hope you had a night that felt like yours and not borrowed from anyone else. Happy new year.
I found this to be very poignant. Even though I’m not your target audience, your words gave me valuable insight—not only on why tonight can be challenging for gay men but also why tonight is challenging for me. Thank you.
That means a lot, Karie. When something specific lands universally, it usually points to a shared human pressure we rarely name out loud. I’m glad the words helped you locate your own experience too. 💛 Happy new year.
This line really resonated with me, “ These were designed for people who never had to burn their first life down and build a second one from scratch.”
I was married to a beautiful & wonderful woman for 24 years. We’re still best friends. I was then in a relationship with a man for 12 years. I am now at a late age finding myself single & gay for the first time. It would have been easy to mope in loneliness, however, just like any older single person gay or straight NY Eve, this night could be any night of the year. We chose to glamorize and to give meaning to this one particular night which is just one of many nights. It’s a fool’s game.
When I think of some past NY Eves, I am reminded that my vision was never reality. Due to the acceptance of heavy drinking more often than not I saw couples fighting, many being foolish, a friend getting a DWI, and the wonderment of wanting to know how many others are going to miss out on the beautiful day of January 1st.
This year I invited a few male friends gay and straight to have tamales & champagne for a happy hour at my house. The people invited found themselves single for one reason or another. I learned some time back that giving to others is one of the best remedies for helping yourself. All that attended told me at separate times, “ Thank you!”
It’s easy for me to build my own prison cell filled with loneliness. I do my best to banish loneliness in creative ways. I help others because I want to, not because I have to. Being older I found that I prefer the word, “solitude” over loneliness.” On New Year’s Day I take an early walk in The City with my camera and think to myself, “ This peaceful wonderland is all for me.” It’s extremely rare to see someone in the early morning hours.
My NY Eve experience this year has resulted in others asking if they could come to my place to watch the Golden Globes. The Gay Men’s Book Club I started has evolved into a monthly theme night at a restaurant whose food best coincides with the book we read. It’s Greek this month since we’re reviewing, “ The Song of Achilles.” I have conquered a big goal of mine; meeting and sharing time with like minded others in a positively, friendly, and joyous way.
This is what choosing authorship over inheritance looks like. You didn’t wait for belonging to arrive, you built conditions where connection could happen and let it grow naturally. Solitude, generosity, and intention tend to age far better than spectacle :)
Adam, that shift matters more than any date on a calendar. Recovery isn’t about catching up but rather about stopping the race entirely. Second year is where things start to feel sturdier, even when it’s quiet. Happy new year to you! ☺️
Thank you. Authenticity is quieter than celebration, but IMO, it’s the only thing that actually lasts. Wishing you a year that feels more like relief than performance. ☺️
New Years, fresh starts, turning over a new leaf overnight has never worked out well for me. Comparison over randos on instagram either. In fact, they've only managed to drown me.
Recovery runs in it's own timeline. It's better walk alone in your own path, slower than the rest, than run with them in theirs—even though their grass looks greener and it only gets lonelier with time.
Well put, Karthik. Healing does not respond to calendar theatrics or algorithmic highlight reels. Walking your own pace keeps you intact, even when the loneliness is quieter and truer. Wishing you a happy new year.
Friends…. Straight friends have kids and they disappear from gay friends’ lives. Even gay men who have kids tend to disappear from their single friends’ lives.
And for those of us who are coupled…. Do we kiss at midnight? We gauge the event, the room, the vibe.
You're right, Leo. Parenting can turn people into "logistics managers," and unprotected friendships get "rescheduled" into oblivion. I hear this quite often.
And the midnight kiss thing is real: straight couples do it on autopilot, while many of us do a quick risk assessment, then decide whether the moment is worth the social tax. I noticed this last year here in Paris.
Happy new year ☺️
While I am not gay or male, I will be spending this 'New Year's Eve' alone again for many reasons some by choice and others not so much. I decided many years (decades) ago, that it is just plain easier to spend New Year's Eve alone rather than face the judgement of family and 'friends'. For me, I look at most holidays as just another day, sometimes with bonus pay and some no income at all. Do I regret pulling back from family? No, for me, it was to maintain my sanity, mental, and physical health. I have always been an outsider with my family and now only have limited contact with 3 people. I hope and pray that all people who, either because of lifestyle, personal preference, or for no reason at all, decide to just be their self and enjoy the day/night in a way that helps you and eases your burdens and makes life more 'your style' and not 'everyone else's style'.
You sound like someone who chose peace over proximity, and that choice deserves respect. ☺️ Protecting your health is discernment learned the hard way. I hope you had a night that felt like yours and not borrowed from anyone else. Happy new year.
I found this to be very poignant. Even though I’m not your target audience, your words gave me valuable insight—not only on why tonight can be challenging for gay men but also why tonight is challenging for me. Thank you.
That means a lot, Karie. When something specific lands universally, it usually points to a shared human pressure we rarely name out loud. I’m glad the words helped you locate your own experience too. 💛 Happy new year.
This line really resonated with me, “ These were designed for people who never had to burn their first life down and build a second one from scratch.”
I was married to a beautiful & wonderful woman for 24 years. We’re still best friends. I was then in a relationship with a man for 12 years. I am now at a late age finding myself single & gay for the first time. It would have been easy to mope in loneliness, however, just like any older single person gay or straight NY Eve, this night could be any night of the year. We chose to glamorize and to give meaning to this one particular night which is just one of many nights. It’s a fool’s game.
When I think of some past NY Eves, I am reminded that my vision was never reality. Due to the acceptance of heavy drinking more often than not I saw couples fighting, many being foolish, a friend getting a DWI, and the wonderment of wanting to know how many others are going to miss out on the beautiful day of January 1st.
This year I invited a few male friends gay and straight to have tamales & champagne for a happy hour at my house. The people invited found themselves single for one reason or another. I learned some time back that giving to others is one of the best remedies for helping yourself. All that attended told me at separate times, “ Thank you!”
It’s easy for me to build my own prison cell filled with loneliness. I do my best to banish loneliness in creative ways. I help others because I want to, not because I have to. Being older I found that I prefer the word, “solitude” over loneliness.” On New Year’s Day I take an early walk in The City with my camera and think to myself, “ This peaceful wonderland is all for me.” It’s extremely rare to see someone in the early morning hours.
My NY Eve experience this year has resulted in others asking if they could come to my place to watch the Golden Globes. The Gay Men’s Book Club I started has evolved into a monthly theme night at a restaurant whose food best coincides with the book we read. It’s Greek this month since we’re reviewing, “ The Song of Achilles.” I have conquered a big goal of mine; meeting and sharing time with like minded others in a positively, friendly, and joyous way.
This is what choosing authorship over inheritance looks like. You didn’t wait for belonging to arrive, you built conditions where connection could happen and let it grow naturally. Solitude, generosity, and intention tend to age far better than spectacle :)
‘It’s just Wednesday.’ Yes - lowering my expectations of NYs really helped me this time
That’s the relief right there. I hope it passed without taking anything from you. Happy new year.
Thank you 💞. I am in my second year of recovery and new year's just made me feel like I was falling behind until last year when I changed the script.
Adam, that shift matters more than any date on a calendar. Recovery isn’t about catching up but rather about stopping the race entirely. Second year is where things start to feel sturdier, even when it’s quiet. Happy new year to you! ☺️
Thank you Gino. Happy New Year, and thank you for helping us to stay authentic ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you. Authenticity is quieter than celebration, but IMO, it’s the only thing that actually lasts. Wishing you a year that feels more like relief than performance. ☺️
Thanks Gino. I’ll continue to lean on your wisdom
New Years, fresh starts, turning over a new leaf overnight has never worked out well for me. Comparison over randos on instagram either. In fact, they've only managed to drown me.
Recovery runs in it's own timeline. It's better walk alone in your own path, slower than the rest, than run with them in theirs—even though their grass looks greener and it only gets lonelier with time.
Well put, Karthik. Healing does not respond to calendar theatrics or algorithmic highlight reels. Walking your own pace keeps you intact, even when the loneliness is quieter and truer. Wishing you a happy new year.