“Gay kids learned: If you’re not funny, smart, helpful, or exceptional, you’re a burden. You don’t get to just exist. You have to earn your right to take up space. Every single day.”
This resonates deeply, even from a slightly different angle.
I’m coming out of addiction and a dynamic that never allowed real mutuality. What I’m rebuilding now isn’t an identity, but the capacity for genuine closeness without performance, without urgency to label myself or my desires.
For me, this text names something essential: that intimacy doesn’t begin with defining who we are, but with allowing ourselves to exist ordinary, undecided, and still worthy of staying.
When performance and urgency fall away, what’s left can feel almost disorienting at first, but it’s where closeness actually becomes sustainable. Quietly choosing to stay ordinary and present is a bigger act of courage than most people realize.
This is great Gino. So true. I feel at work that I have to overperform and outdo myself at every step just to be adequate—equal to my straight colleagues. At home, I cave in arguments out of fear of him leaving me. Standing up for myself is something I’m not used to. I’m not sure where to start, but, once again, you’ve given me a heart thing to think about. Thank you Gino! ❤️❤️❤️
That instinct to overperform is a learned response to seeking safety, not a personality flaw. When your nervous system anticipates conditional acceptance, standing up for yourself can feel as risky as pulling the pin on a grenade. The work starts small and boring, letting yourself be adequate without apology, and seeing that the world doesn’t collapse.
I have been journaling with AI and I got to realize the exact thing you talked about in here.
I can handle the high highs and low lows but I always fall apart in the mediocre middle cuz my body thinks middle = hell.
I never learned to just be. Just exist with myself without hating all my flaws. All kinds of beliefs like abandonment, perfectionism, nihilism, stem from this:
"I can't handle the middle."
And since life is the middle between birth and death, no wonder my mind equated life to hell.
“Gay kids learned: If you’re not funny, smart, helpful, or exceptional, you’re a burden. You don’t get to just exist. You have to earn your right to take up space. Every single day.”
That.
This resonates deeply, even from a slightly different angle.
I’m coming out of addiction and a dynamic that never allowed real mutuality. What I’m rebuilding now isn’t an identity, but the capacity for genuine closeness without performance, without urgency to label myself or my desires.
For me, this text names something essential: that intimacy doesn’t begin with defining who we are, but with allowing ourselves to exist ordinary, undecided, and still worthy of staying.
Thank you for articulating that so clearly.
When performance and urgency fall away, what’s left can feel almost disorienting at first, but it’s where closeness actually becomes sustainable. Quietly choosing to stay ordinary and present is a bigger act of courage than most people realize.
This is great Gino. So true. I feel at work that I have to overperform and outdo myself at every step just to be adequate—equal to my straight colleagues. At home, I cave in arguments out of fear of him leaving me. Standing up for myself is something I’m not used to. I’m not sure where to start, but, once again, you’ve given me a heart thing to think about. Thank you Gino! ❤️❤️❤️
That instinct to overperform is a learned response to seeking safety, not a personality flaw. When your nervous system anticipates conditional acceptance, standing up for yourself can feel as risky as pulling the pin on a grenade. The work starts small and boring, letting yourself be adequate without apology, and seeing that the world doesn’t collapse.
Thanks Gino! Small steps.
I have been journaling with AI and I got to realize the exact thing you talked about in here.
I can handle the high highs and low lows but I always fall apart in the mediocre middle cuz my body thinks middle = hell.
I never learned to just be. Just exist with myself without hating all my flaws. All kinds of beliefs like abandonment, perfectionism, nihilism, stem from this:
"I can't handle the middle."
And since life is the middle between birth and death, no wonder my mind equated life to hell.
Thanks for this, Gino.