"You're Not Dying": The Secret Scripts I Use to Survive Panic

The raw, private words that saved me when clinical techniques couldn't

The fluorescent lights in my office bathroom buzzed like angry wasps. My hands, pressed flat against the cold tile wall, were the only things keeping me upright. In fifteen minutes, I would need to lead a workshop on clinical anxiety techniques—the cruel irony wasn't lost on me.

It was 2019, and at 40, I was supposed to have this figured out. I'd spent years teaching others how to manage their panic, becoming the expert I wished I'd had. Yet here I was, having what felt like a heart attack.

"You're not dying," I whispered to my reflection. Not the gentle self-care affirmations you see on Instagram. Not the clinical grounding techniques I teach in my newsletter. This was rawer, more desperate: "Listen to me. We've done this before. We've survived this before. I need you to trust me right now."

That moment marked a turning point in how I think about anxiety. Not because it was my worst panic attack—those peaked in my early thirties—but because it forced me to finally confront an uncomfortable truth: the polished coping strategies I taught others weren't what saved me in my darkest moments.

For twenty years, I've kept these private words hidden. They're not the techniques I teach in my practice or write about in my newsletters. They saved my life, but I've never shared them—until now.