Why Some LGBTQ+ People Radiate Confidence (While Others Don't)

For every LGBTQ+ person who's wondered if they're enough — and what I've learned about real confidence

Last week, I saw someone in their mid-40s walk into a coffee shop.

Nothing about their appearance stood out, but somehow, their presence filled the room.

They carried themselves with an ease that made most people, including me, pay attention.

It wasn't their style or clothes.

It was something else.

As an online gay therapist, I've always been interested in understanding what contributes to this kind of confidence.

The answer isn't what you might expect.

The most confident LGBTQ+ people I meet rarely fit the Instagram-perfect mold we're sold.

Let me pause for a moment and be honest: I became interested in this topic early in my career because I struggled with self-esteem and confidence.

Growing up queer in a Portuguese family, I mastered the art of "performed confidence," which looks good on the outside but feels empty inside.

It took years of therapy and self-reflection to understand the difference between authentic confidence and its shallow counterpart.

I'm not the only one who went through th…